Oish... has this been a crazy week or WHAT???

Well, virtually everyone's put up pictures except me, so I'd better serve my Xanga duty. Everyone, I give to you the culmination of many years life experience and trials and woes. Welcome to the grand historical rendition of...

MY MERRY MAYHEM OF MATRIMONY

This is a story that deserves to be told in pictures. They are worth a thousand words, after all. For me to describe the magnitude of the things that have transpired over the past weekend, it would take more than a thousand words... it would take literal novels. So many wonderful people, so much love, good times shared by all... and a new beginning on a man and woman's journey in life. I dedicate it all to the woman that made it all possible...

My mom and sister! Uh, yeah, guys, thanks for coming out and making me ten minutes late for my own wedding... that was certainly a highlight...

So first we started off with some opening songs and testimonies. My parents filled in those roles...

Dad had some embarrassing but true stories to tell.

And of course, my great friend Theo Kirkley drove all the way down from friggin' TEXAS to see this, so he did the honors of relating his life experiences with me in high school. He wooed and shocked everyone with the prophetic signs that surrounded my earlier years...

What a charmer.

Kimmy was there too... shady but sincere with his fancy suit...

Hiro and Kayo were in the neighborhood as well, decided to drop by. I can't believe I got this awesome yawn on camera...

Just look at those pearly whites.

And what would any wedding party be without a little song and dance?

Sylvia was there as her husband tried to figure out the sound system...

You guys were both awesome. Thanks so much for everything.

As a grand finale Joletta's dad reeled off some old country music... I can see where Jo gets all her musical talent from...

I kept the frilly flower bracelets for safe-keeping... and to preserve them for the wonderful years to come...

And, at Joletta's request, I'm only going to put up a few pictures with her in it. See, honey, I do listen to you sometimes. These are the best of the bunch, so I saved them for the end. Ladies and Gentlemen, Chris and Joletta Breland (doesn't sound weird anymore...)!!!

That's it. Thanks to all that could make it, sorry for all that couldn't. Joletta and I now have three anniversaries so maybe you'll make it the next time around!

I bet all of my faithful viewers out there are wondering... what exactly does Chris do with all his spare time?

Hmmm....

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Another Spring Break in the bag...

I have AIM now!!!... ...ExtraCrisby...

Well, I guess it's obvious so I'll go ahead and admit it. I'm in love.

... with my car, that is. Much like the love between a man and his cherished Cuban cigar.

Yet, amidst my romance with my most treasured nonliving possession, I have not been without bumps and scrapes. Which leads to a lot of extensive work on the interior and exterior of my baby to keep it in tip top shape. Recently, I decided to give my car a facial, because it has a cracked schnozz and needed plastic surgery. One thing to remember about surgery: use anesthetics on even the smallest work. My poor car was screaming the whole time. Thank God all I had to change was the bumper.

So, in case you're wondering how to do it...

1997 Honda Civic BUMPER RECONSTRUCTION

So, first rule when you're about to do reconstructive surgery... ANALYZE YOUR PROBLEM. I can't tell you how many times I've seen amateurs take a simple project and make it bloody and complicated because they don't know what they're fixing. So, let's take a peek at our problem.

Oof. We have our work cut out.

So the next step, after assessing the damage, is to locate an adequate solution. The solution, in this case, will come from a local junk dealer, where they have piles and piles of delinquent cars that have been "incarcerated" for various crimes... like breaking down. So I pulled the schozz of a jailbird Civic...

Not bad for a second-hand. Let's check the inside to make sure the nasal passages are clear...

Oh, yeah, they're clear.

Now we  have to mount the grill. This is a very easy process if you have the right tools. Like a screwdriver, for example...

Make sure not to pinch it too hard. It can cause sinus pressure.

Afterwards it should look like this...

Wow, it's starting to look better already.

Next, you have to mount the bumper. This is where the anesthetic comes in handy. A lot of cursing, kicking and jamming is necessary to get this beast on properly.

Once you've got it kinda sorta no there you've got to find a way to hold it in place. This job requires at least two people. Have a friend press the bumper against the frame, while you put in little plastic tabs to bolster it...

...like so. As you can see it's still kinda hanging on by a thread...

Save yourself the embarrassment and secure the corners of the bumper. This is the most important part. Look at the underside of the bumper, where it connects to the body on a bolt...

Eureka. You're a genius. You gotta unscrew that bolt hanging down and bolt that little bugger into place. It'll fight you all the way, but just show that little bolt who's boss. And reassure the screaming car that it's for its own good.

Tadaa!!! Don't leave it loose because this thing will shake around a lot. Bolt that baby in with a vengeance.

Now I would recommend taking the newly refurbished car and its schnozz on a trip around the block to see if it falls off. If it doesn't, congrats, you've just completed the first lesson in Civic Surgery!

I'll be sending you your diploma when you install a fresh intake...

At last, I seem to have vanquished my car troubles for the time being. After installing a new IAC valve (which was not a cheap venture, I kid you not...) my ride stops shuddering in second gear and seems to keep pace with traffic fairly well. It was expensive, but it's worth the piece of mind.

I'll put up a step-by-step tutorial on how to do it in case any of you have the same problem.

So, how about them Oscars? There were some high points and low points, but I think many bright stars and movies were left unnoticed. Wallace and Gromit's Oscar was made unglamorous by the two bumbling idiots that accepted it, and I felt that Paul Giamatti from Cinderella Man should have easily beat out Clooney for Supporting Actor. Maybe it was that hideous beard that stopped him.

Nevertheless, I was glad to see the big surprise of the night... and no I'm not talking about Jennifer Garner's near tumble as she walked on stage to present an award. They call it the biggest upset of Academy Awards history, but I call it redemption. Congrats to the makers of Crash and those in the Academy who voted for it. Brokeback Mountain never deserved Best Picture, and it's only because of political hype and hooplah that it got so much media attention. Thank God there was a better movie out there to shut out this wayward film, even though it did get more than it deserved. Ang Lee now has another addition to crown his chest of movie-making spoils... and at the same time got to make a big statement to the American public about his dream of "equality." Soak it up, man. That's your five seconds of fame.

And what the hell happened to Batman Begins??? That movie was made this year, wasn't it? I don't believe it won ANYTHING... it was a damn good movie. And who the hell has ever heard of "Good Night and Good Luck"? Another severe injustice goes around, and it seems you have to make a film with politically charged content to make it in the Awards these days. It's a crass culture we live in.

Well, let's try to do something to change it. Thanks so much to everyone that helped out last weekend. You guys give me so much hope. Here are some highlights from the performance:

THE WAIT CHRONICLES

Wherever there is WAIT, there is HIV and T-Cell battles. Often characterized by the following people:

Haha, looks like the wedding reception between Jack and Jill. You guys look great out there.

Oh, Sunjee, you are the pimp with that hat...

Hmmm... someone seems to have opened Pandora's Box...

Ahh!!! Evil demon sticks! Run for your lives!!!!

It's Darth Josh-kun...

And his arch-nemesis, Luke...

I mean the other Luke...

So they duke it out...

But there can only be one victor...

Thanks everyone, especially Bridgeport crew for coming down to help out. You guys rock!!! Mansei!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYBODY!!!

Whoo... just had to say that before the day is finally done. Man, it's been quite a day... Valentine's is never just another romantic holiday in THIS church... you've got the pressure associated with selling flowers, giving out holy candies to everybody at work, and on top of that, it's GARBAGE day too!!! Man, can I guy ever get a break???

Well, at least I have one thing going for me. I've got a great gal to celebrate it with... which comes as one of the firsts in my life... haha makes all you singles out there jealous I'm sure...

So here's to you, my one and only...

I love you Joletta. :)